Heavy heart...

I haven't "blogged" in a really long time...I've been super busy, some days overwhelmed with life in general! On March 5 one of my very closest friend's, Holly Darrah and her unborn child, Cole Alexander died in a car accident. I have never lost someone that close to me before. I don't know what to do most days with it. Holly left behind a 4 1/2 year old sweetie(whom survived the car accident), Riley and her husband of 9 months Luke, or "Lukey" as her and Ry like to call him! :) I try to go through my day as if it were "normal" and I see her beautiful smiling face EVERYWHERE I go!!! Some days I'm in total denial that I will NEVER see her again in the flesh! It is really all too much! I am filled with so much worry and concern for Riley and Luke. Who is going to braid Ry's hair, who is going to pick out her sassy "rock and roll" T's, who is going to update her webkin and jam out to Hannah Montana with her in the car? These things are all so important to Riley! And Luke, how do you get past this, how can you move on, how do you "pretend" everything is normal? When really I'm sure he just wants to SCREAM!!!! I can't imagine. I just want to erase that day so badly....can it really be true! A sweet baby girl left motherless, a wonderful husband and daddy left without the absolute LOVE of his life and his precious son! I'm doing my best, I know I have to continue to take the girls to ballet, have birthday parties, go to Easter celebrations...but I just want Holly there helping out all the kids like she always did, filling the room with so much happiness, and making sure Ry had the BEST decorated Easter Eggs! :)

Here are some pictures of beautiful Holly, I want everyone to know how wonderful of a person she was. So kind and generous, adored by all who came into her life. Cole is lucky to have his mommy so close to him!

Mud Hens game with the fam.(summer 2008)...

Riley's 4th birthday party (Sept. 2008)...

Kid's Christmas party 2008...

Riley with mommy before going to see Oliver...

Holly, baby Cole and Luke celebrating New Years Eve...

Holly, baby Cole and I at our Holiday party 2008...

Luke and Holly - wedding day, June 2008...

Luke and Holly, June 2008...

Riley and Holly, my favorite picture of them!!! :)

Holly, Sadie, me, Darcy, Megan and Rachel...us moms at the Kid's Holiday party 2008...

Good times...

The girls have been driving me NUTS lately! I think it is this yucky weather...I mean, really who can be in a cheerful mood all the time when it is freezing and dreary all day?!!??! Oklahoma isn't looking too bad after all! 4, 2, and 1 years old....and Shawn would love to add just one more, I had to put the ax on that one! We went for a consultation to have him snipped!!! I think he is going to schedule it in March....I know, I know...we're so young! But, I am really comfortable with where we are, try living in my shoes for 24 hours! That is all you will need, 24 hours, to get an idea of my day to day life! These girls are wonderful, don't get me wrong, but they can also be a pain in my_____, well you get it! Lately, it is the demands about clothing...Claudia MUST wear leggings/tights with dresses/skirts...otherwise she is NOT a princess. Say the word "jeans" to these girls and they FREAK OUT!!!! Little "sweet" Chloe....is following right in her footsteps...her pj's aren't "pretty" enough....food is "too yucky" and all she wants to do all day is cozy up with her blankie and suck her darn thumb! And Clarabelle, looks are deceiving...she is my "craziest" one yet!!! Climbing on top of the media stand, IN night stands, throwing baby strollers down stairways, turning the TV on and off, just to mess with you (cause she cracks up laughing!)...I mean, I guess it is normal 18 mo. old stuff....but when you are dealing with everything else it seems that much more extreme! Luckily I have been able to get out and workout a few times a week, definatly relieves some stress! I must say the past few days have been really good, no major melt-downs, but it is only Tuesday! Ha-ha!

Do baby girls get any cuter?!??!?!

After their baths...BEFORE product in their crazy hair!!! :)

Our family on Valentine's Day...

The kid's Valentine Party (YES, we have a party for every holiday!!!)

Date night for Shawn and I, dang he is a cutie!!! :)

All I can think of is FLAIR!!!

Like my friend Kim said....I have been so busy the past few weeks, yet feel I haven't actually accomplished much! (Kim- you took the words right out of my mouth!) I have a new facebook addiction, I can't stop finding flair and sending it to people...you have to be a facebook junkie to know what I mean! So, when the girls are fast asleep, I get on to check my e-mail, myspace, blog, ul updates, and now facebook! This is too much, I know...but how else am I supposed to keep in contact with people? You might be thinking over the phone, HA!!!! Have you ever talked to me with these girls in the background? So, if you'd like to talk to me....cyber-space is the way to go! :)

We've had some ups and downs in the past few weeks! My sweet Claudia is now 4 years old! I can't even handle it...I know - so cliche to say, but really I was just holding her little "asian sumo butt" yesterday it feels! Man, was I a little nervous I must say when she came out...she was NOT the cutest littlest thing I ever did see! But, I lucked out, Claudia has become such a smart, sweet and beautiful little girl! Maybe I should re-phrase "sweet"...Claudia can be such a sweetie pie, but man does she have sass to her! I have been struggling with this for the past few months! Does she need more attention, why does she want "negative" attention by acting out! My first reaction was to call Nanny 911, then I thought realistically.....She has moved 3 times in her 4 years of life and has had 2 other sweeties come into the world and now she has to share mom and dad. Blah, blah, blah....anyway, my focus right now is to "observe" her and make sure I'm doing all I can to get down to the bottom of this behavior issue! Can't a girl just get her darn socks on when I ask?!?!? Does she have to question breakfast, lunch and dinner?!??! Must she have to stomp around the house with her arms crossed yelling to the world "I'm sooo mad at you, mommy" and why would she stomp on someone's train just to disrupt them playing....ughhhh!!! Every other minute it is something....well, this all led up to Claudia's big birthday "garden tea party" that was going to be held on her b-day (Jan. 17), we all had had the flu for a week straight, yes every single one of us!!! (Who takes care of mommy when she is sick and Shawn still has to go to work, hmmmm...haven't figured that one out yet!) Due to illness, Shawn and I thought it was smartest to cancel her party, we thought of re-scheduling and had to think hard...as I'm trying to fit in time to run around the city looking for "vintage tea cups" for her and all her friends, she is slamming doors left and right...so we decided to just cancel it all together, this was one of the hardest things for us, but we HAD to stay firm....I had threatened taking away that birthday party with her bestie's all week! She was devastated to say the least! I couldn't let her have a horrible b-day though, we still made her day very special. We took the fam. to a Tea House for lunch, she enjoyed her first cup of tea (well, raspberry lemonade). Grandma made her a very special birthday dress that she got to show off, oh and a matching purse! Then we came back home and had a few family over for cupcakes/presents and more tea/lemonade..she was dieing to open her BLUE SKATES, so at the end of the day she def. got a tea party....I couldn't take all away from her! And I must say the past week has been great with her...keep your finger's crossed for me! :)










Just thought I'd add some cut pics from the last few weeks...







Did I mention Claudia started basketball through our "Y"...Shawn is coaching her 3-5 yr. old team.....let me tell you, the games are quite entertaining!





Love these pics of the girls!











Seriously, don't you just want to eat her up!?!?!?





I know...I know...I'm obsessed with photographing these little ones, you just can't get this time back and even though their sass is high, they are still the best things EVER!

Oh!!!! I just had to add this pic...this was my little Claudia at birth...

This was the "asian sumo baby" I was referring to!


She got cuter...

and cuter :)...